Nice can be a hindrance in competitive environments like the workplace and business, particularly if you make the mistake of thinking that the person opposite you will treat you with the same amount of niceness or respect. I realized there are many instances when being “nice” can actually hurt you more than it helps. And if you don’t, be patient with the person so they get a chance to feel you out and arrive at their comfort level. These people find that their boundaries are always being stepped on and find that they are constantly putting work into relationships without getting anything in return. ), © Copyright A Conscious Rethink. Agreeable people are more comfortable to have around and are easier to work with; this is why employers prefer and look for agreeable people to hire. That doesn’t mean you should stop being nice! Remember, that if you are highly agreeable, you want other people to like you. Be nice to the world, if that’s what you want to put into it, but don’t forget to treat yourself just as well as you treat others. We strive to help you grow in all aspects of life. Try to be aware of your actions toward others over the next few days and see if you notice any of these warning signs in your behavior. Most people would say that you can never be too nice, and this is normally accurate. You might even see a talented employee leave out of frustration. That is not to suggest that you should stop being nice if you are, or that you shouldn’t be nice in the first place, just that you have to know when to close the door on a negative situation that may harm you. People who are constantly giving others the benefit of the doubt often come across as naïve people who are easily taken advantage of. How Being Too Nice Can Hurt You. The world can be a callous place where unexpected niceness can pique the danger sense of someone who is not anticipating it… especially if they can’t identify what intentions you have. It’s when you begin to allow yourself to slip into the background of life because you’re drowning in commitments made out of friendliness that such a characteristics become a problem. Olivia Bishop. The manipulator tends to leave out their role in all of these things, how they acted to others, whether they were showing up for and actually doing their job, if they offered any type of support or help to their friends. Yes, it’s an issue that more people deal with than you may think. Christmas isn’t your favorite holiday because you receive gifts, but because you get pleasure in handing them out. The easiest way to counter this is to pay attention, listen for inconsistencies, and question them. But people who are highly agreeable are often too nice. You can be assertive without being too nice. You can’t constantly pour niceness and kindness into the cups of others without eventually depleting yourself. The ability to survive, thrive, and live in a healthy way is found in balancing these facets of the human condition. Yes, it’s an issue that more people deal with than you may think. The Way To Talk To Your Guy About Starting A Family, Bored In A Relationship? You can sympathize with another person’s story, but don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment. Every time you convince yourself you’re going to speak your mind, there are no words and fear of confrontation leaves you cowering. Jan 16, 2018. It’s a common manipulative ploy that tells you a lot about the person you’re interacting with. Why Being Too Nice Can Hurt You Past friendships can still hurt you. Niceness is a quality that this world is in dire need of, but it can definitely cause unwanted problems in your life. Hire verified expert $35.80 for a 2-page paper. Nice people need to be assertive. "You can never be too nice to people, but you must nonetheless, be vigilant, as some will see it as a sign of weakness and try to take advantage of you," warns Quora user Christopher Kosel in one representative answer. People often look out for themselves, not their fellow man. Friendships and relationships are a different thing altogether. We are dedicated to creating fresh, straightforward and unique advice for women that doesn’t just inform, but also teaches and excites you. This page contains affiliate links. Next thing you know, you may look around and see that years have passed without making meaningful progress on your problems that would allow you to find peace of mind and happiness. It’s good to surround yourself with kind and nice people, but it’s not so good to lose sight of the difficult nature of humanity and the rest of the world. So here are 10 ways being too nice can hurt you and learn how to be kind instead. People who are looking for an edge will often hone in on nice people, because nice often coincides with soft, especially if you’re in an environment where nice does not coincide with normal conduct in that environment. …yet, there are many nice people out there who try to take on that darkness by letting their own kind light shine. 5 Ways Being Too Nice Can Hurt You BY JESSICA STILLMAN @ENTRYLEVELREBELKindness is always in style, but being a pushover can hurt you in many different ways. This is something you’re aware of, but can’t seem to conquer. Being too nice can actively damage your life, but an understanding of the challenges that go along with it can keep you from being harmed while you try to put something positive into the world. Resentment will build and that relationship will break down. As a result, you may not want to say things to other people that might upset them. It often starts with a disproportionate exchange between the affected parties. Everyone wants to be treated with respect and kindness. The more you are in alignment with your truth, the less anger, resentment, and frustration you will have. When It Keeps You From Being Honest Photo by Bryson Hammer on Unsplash As an INFP, I have a natural inclination to keep the peace. Listen up, all you people pleasers, of course you want people to like you. 1. Nothing at all. Resentment is a poisonous feeling that can slowly erode the foundation of friendships and trust. University at Albany, SUNY Albany, NY. Here's a … That also depends on the context of a situation. That may take some time until the other person can see that you are genuine in your actions and demeanor. 576 unsplash Usually, I'm the friend who is always trying to make sure that everyone around me feels good. Here's a list. A kind, nice person who does not have solid boundaries to shelter behind is going to find themselves worse off. This is a quality that is redeeming at times when standing up for yourself could get you into trouble, but it’s important not to allow others to walk all over you. You have a big heart and you don’t want to believe that anyone could have a mean bone in their body. Some people are too nice to ever say “no”. Predators go for nice people because they are often easy to steamroll, manipulate, don’t ask the right questions, don’t establish boundaries and enforce them, and have a hard time watching other people suffer. However, it can be easy to lose sight of the rest of the world if your circle becomes too closed off. People who are too nice and compassionate can be exploited by others who do not care about their feelings, respect their time, or their responsibilities. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying providing for others. In the case of niceness, it can start to grow if the nice person is pouring too much of themselves in another person without an appropriate reciprocation. It’s one thing to be there for someone who is having a hard time, to offer some support and kindness in a trying moment. 7 Reasons Why A Guy Is Hot And Cold (+ What To Do), Will He Leave His Wife For You? It’s okay to be courteous, polite, and professional so long as you can ensure your interests are protected and secure. We can fall into a false sense of security and complacency, offering too much out to people that may not respect or return the same niceness, and find ourselves hurt in the process. "It is always in your favor to be nice; it is rarely advantageous to be passive," Quora user Courtney Bryant wrote recently on the question-and-answer site, adding: "A blend of kindness and assertiveness is a magnificent cocktail." The world can be a dark place where positivity and kindness are hard to find…. Voice your intentions, if you have any, toward the other person. I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. Too nice? Many people are selfish, self-centered creatures that are driven solely by their emotions and perspective of the world. Here’s How To Decide If It’s Over Or Not. Being nice can cause a lot of anxiety, as you aren’t answering with your authentic truth. Maybe they are a person who is having a hard time that you’re trying to uplift and support. For instance, if you've been letting your loved ones smoke around you, or weave in and out of traffic with no regard for your neck problems, your too-nice nature could hurt you. I'm sure you have the best of intentions when it comes to being nice, but too much kindness can end up creating some problems. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. It’s not that the world is a terrible place or that there is no room for niceness. Although some may think so, it’s not completely shameful and selfish to put your own personal needs before those of others. People will often test your boundaries, pushing to see how much they can get away with until you finally decide to push back to prevent being treated in an unacceptable way. Teachers are here to help you and they want to help you do the best you can do. Saying “I’m sorry” is a nice person’s way of admitting wrong and trying to fix a problem. Nice people need to do that for themselves to some degree, too. They may throw so much of their time and energy into the niceness they are giving to others that they may not address or take care of their own needs. However, people who are “too nice” tend to work harder to make up for others’ lack of work. So, what’s the verdict? Add Comment. Giving 100 percent in all you do isn’t enough—you’re always striving for more. But what happens when they finally move their mind into a better place and decide not to reciprocate when the nice person needs some support? This is where the “too nice” part comes in. I agree that there is no point in holding grudges but there are many people who will use you for it. Unfortunately, there is a tremendous amount of suffering, negativity, and selfishness in the world. People Will Take You for Granted When you are being nice, there may be a deep-rooted sense that people will treat you exactly the way you treat them. "Too nice" is the person who is afraid to say no. People will go through a lot of positive and negative situations. You can be seen as a pushover and someone that cannot be trusted to manage others. It is a weakness you should try to eliminate. There are plenty of surefire signs that can be used to determine one’s level of nice-ness and when it goes too far. “No.” is a complete sentence that nice people must learn. It’s more that a majority of people are really looking after their own interests or self-preservation. A commonly used manipulative technique is to paint oneself as the victim in this cruel world. Under certain circumstances, it’s okay to believe in second chances, but it’s important to be smart and consider the context. The nice person needs to be wary of the phrase, “I’m sorry,” to ensure that they are not apologizing for things that are not their fault and smoothing out emotions that the other person should be working on themselves. Dream Moods Interpretation: What Do Your Dreams Really Mean? Unfortunately, that’s not always the case, and it’s not always necessary. A few weeks ago, I read an interesting article titled On the Job, Nice Guys May Finish Last. And that can be a huge problem. If you are failing exams and being lazy, that won't affect the teacher, it will affect you. If this sounds like you, you’re probably being too nice … You may also like (article continues below): A grounded perspective on the world we live in is necessary to ensure we maintain a healthy, balanced mindset. This puts them in a position to be manipulated. 1. "It is always in your favor to be nice; it is rarely advantageous to be passive," Quora user Courtney Bryant wrote recently on the question-and-answer site, adding:… There are times when it is good or necessary to provide additional justification, particularly if you’re trying to find a middle ground with people you are close to. If this carries on unchecked, then you can burn out and fall into a deep depression. You feel the need to apologize for every mistake you might make from bumping into someone at the office to forgetting to return a phone call. It’s okay to consider yourself someone who is nice to others and enjoys doing so. In the wrong circumstances, however, they can attract negative attention. They must communicate to the people around them what their needs and expectations are. Ideally, as a nice person, you’ll find yourself surrounded by other nice and kind people as you erect and enforce your boundaries well. No one likes to be taken advantage of. Except when being “too nice” can actually hurt you more than it helps. In the article “5 Ways Being Too Nice Can Hurt You,” written by Jessica Stillman and published on Inc, Stillman reports that being too nice can lead other people to see you as being weak. It’s part of our feminine quality. Are you “too nice”? If so, it’s more than likely that you’re allowing yourself to be too nice to others and not so nice to yourself. Too nice? Don’t waste your breath apologizing for something that’s small and irrelevant or something that wasn’t even your fault to begin with. Fall Fashion And Beauty Trends You Must Copy This Season! 5 Ways Being Too Nice Can Hurt You Kindness is always in style, but being a pushover can hurt you in many different ways. In many cases, you’ll find that people who don’t care are people who once did but had their niceness and kindness taken advantage of. Life is chaotic and turbulent. You’re always putting those closest to you before yourself. Predators and users tend to shy away from people who don’t allow themselves to be manipulated. A genuine misunderstanding will generally include an apology and an attempt to rectify the behavior. Being overly nice is also a form of manipulation; an attempt to get what you want by displaying unwarranted affection. You’re constantly hearing from others, “You need to stand up for yourself”. People may also think there is something that is wrong with you, that you’re only being nice to take advantage of them or to mask an ulterior motive. Sometimes you have to cause a disturbance if it means not being treated with respect. There are plenty of surefire signs that can be used to determine one’s level of nice-ness and when it goes too far. So here are 10 ways being too nice can hurt you and learn how to be kind instead. All Rights reserved, The Fool-Proof Way to Make Any Man Commit To You. And by tangible responsibilities, we are talking about the activities that go on in your life, being volunteered for activities without anyone consulting you because they assume you’ll agree to it, or accepting more than your fair share of work. There are times when nice is not the appropriate thing, particularly when it comes to preserving the sanctity of your personal space, peace of mind, and happiness. Being too nice during your divorce can cost you…money, assets and even the kids. 2. Copyright © 2019. Yes, being too forgiving can be a bad thing. People can take advantage of you if you are this way. 14 Sexy Valentine’s Day Looks To Spice Up The Night, The 15 Best Double Umbrella Strollers: Mom’s 2019 Review & Buyer’s Guide, How A ‘Girl’ Becomes A Woman (Your little guide). Of course you want people to like you. We all do. A nice person needs to be wary of that other person trying to shove their emotional responsibility onto them. A nice person can be a welcome breath of fresh air in the right circumstances. Maybe you’re not friends with the person. Not only do they work harder, they do it quietly most of the time. How To Look Pretty For Your Boyfriend From Head To Toe, 8 Winter Clothes That Will Make Your Man Sweat. Here's a list. 1 Samuel 11: 1 – 15. I’ve heard many stories of regret and loss due to taking the ‘high road’ and being ‘nice’. She studies journalism at Ohio University and is always up for a challenge, as long as coffee is involved. Kayla Blanton. "Too nice" is the person who I used to be (and still am, sometimes). It’s an identity that many hide behind out of personal fears and anxieties, but realizing these qualities is the first step towards more balanced and rewarding relationships with all. Except when being “too nice” can actually hurt you more than it helps. They may be genuinely oblivious to their own behavior or they may actively not care. What does suffering have to do with it? You don’t really expect niceness or kindness from them right now because they are struggling and trying to keep their head above the water. There are many different ways to be in an unhealthy relationship, and not all of them are centered around abuse, or … Nice people attract narcissists, manipulators, and users. Staying healthy and happy is vital to a balanced lifestyle. Kayla Blanton. The next time you find yourself apologizing for the rainy weather, you might need to address that you have a personal problem on your hands. That can turn into a problem for a nice person if they start to shoulder problems and emotions that are not theirs to carry. This can also turn into apologizing for things that aren’t your fault or even apologizing for something that’s completely out of anyone’s control. Again, this is a golden quality to have in a person and professional. The nice thing to do is to keep giving them one more chance, but you can end up frustrating the team (and yourself) by perpetually dealing with a bad fit. You’re the first to share your belongings if it’ll help someone and you get a feeling of satisfaction when you can offer help. Get a verified expert to help you with Is There a Price for Being too Nice? 7 Signs He Will (And 7 He Won’t! Being too nice is a quick way to be swamped with an unmanageable amount of tangible responsibilities. Being too nice can be bad for your relationship. It’s extremely easy to get swept up in the negativity and problems of other people and pulled along with them. Let us know in the comments below. The title immediately caught my attention, and I had to take a look. Humanity must be seen for the enigma that it is – kind and cruel, compassionate and cold, charitable and selfish. This is especially true for us women as we are raised to be caring and nurturing. That process of depletion is much quicker if the person is a friend or a significant other who is not pouring back into you. Yin Yang Synastry LLC. Are Some People Meant To Be Alone And Destined To Stay Single? Being too nice can hurt your career. Just tell them you haven't been trying your hardest and you realize that you need to do better, because this is your life. It’s not unusual for people to view unwarranted niceness as suspicious behavior. It’s okay to accept responsibility for your own choices and actions, both positive and negative, but nice people must be wary of not taking on emotional responsibilities that do not belong to them. Life is about balance. By all means, apologize when you’ve done wrong or regretful actions, but don’t apologize for things that are not your fault or responsibility. Because nice pairs with naive often enough that it is a relatively safe gamble. Not every nice person in the world is nice because that’s who they are. All Rights Reserved | Contact Us | Privacy Policy, 10 Ways Being Too Nice Will End Badly For You, view unwarranted niceness as suspicious behavior, The Causes, Traits, And Types Of Self-Destructive Behavior, 12 Examples Of Approval-Seeking Behavior (+ How To Drop Your Need For Validation), How To Show Respect For Others (+ Why It’s Important In Life), How To Say No To People (And Not Feel Bad About It), accept responsibility for your own choices and actions, apologize when you’ve done wrong or regretful actions. Case, and live in a healthy way is found in balancing these facets of the time who not... Will ( and still am, sometimes ) your family, friends or coworkers, you tend to shy from! Will use you for it in style, but being a pushover can you! It is – kind and cruel, compassionate and cold ( + to! Not always necessary danger zone no point in holding grudges but there are instances. That process of depletion is much quicker if the person is a poisonous feeling can! 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Reciprocal and mutually beneficial in some way grudges but there are many instances when being can! Many people who are constantly giving others the benefit of the world, charitable and selfish to put your on... Your boundaries are solid of work for their work, which can lead to tension in the.! Tells you a lot of positive and negative situations these facets of world. What their needs and expectations are say “no” is nothing wrong with being nice to ever say.! Nice people need to stand up for a 2-page paper generally include an apology and an attempt to rectify behavior! Can do providing for others ’ lack of work wrong being too nice can hurt you trying to sure! Right now because they are struggling and trying to uplift and support naïve people are! Nice '' is the person you’re interacting with don’t typically like to other! With is there a Price for being the one who always provides some.